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F69: QuickSex
October 22nd 2003, 10:44 CEST by Dumdeedum Us humans are a simple lot, after a hard day of killing things we like to come home, eat something, shag something and then sleep. As such our entertainment reflects these core values, perhaps not so much the less exciting eating and sleeping, but sex and violence are, and always have been, the stuff of legend, tale and epic. Now bonking in games isn't totally unheard of, I first came across it in the rather excellent Dreamweb where your character walks in on (and then executes) a rock star during coitus. From there it's mostly downhill; strip poker games that aren't much more than low quality porn slideshows, hentai games that mine all the gameplay of violent, underage rape, and a thousand inverted-L shaped heroines with low-cut, cleavage-revealing textures. Okay so it doesn't actually have to be actual kasbah-rockage, there's the much broader categories of Romance and Relationships which are also largely ignored. Being male I don't know whether I'd play it, but the game equivalent of the chick-flick might be interesting, and would presumably ensnare that much talked about "female demographic". I know the only reason I finished Neverwinter Nights was because I wanted to see if you could cop off with the bard (you couldn't, the frigid bitch), so there's something to it, although I shudder to think how it might apply to MMORPGs. So what do you and your libido say? Does the world of games and the fair art of rogering sound like a match made in heaven? Is it doomed to be just another ploy to pump us of our liquid assets? Or indeed, will it remain at the current schoolboy-tittering level it is now? |
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Topic: F69: QuickSex
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Most Difficult to Master They're giving out an award for making the game too hard? |
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That's what I though? Well, it has difficult to master this game, but that's because it formatted my HD. It must be a winner! "YES!! You see people, THAT'S why he's the Vice-President of A/V Services here at Respawn Games. Yotsuya ALWAYS unleashes the fucking fury!" - Warren Marshall
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How about "Most difficult to get into" and "Least rewarding ending"? Also "Most unpredictable crashes." |
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That's my point. When does this industry outgrow the social stigma of being comprised entirely of ADD-riddled cokefiend 14-yr olds? If I worked on some game for three years, and some guy hands me a psuedo-gold plastic Pac-Man statue for "Best Kick Ass Weapon", I'd force-feed it to the fucker right there on stage. Live broadcast? Even better. I'd take the recognition of the fans over some marketing schlub's brilliant idea to "legitimize gaming as an artistic entertainment medium", thanks. Even alongside such hallowed figures of the industry such as "The Guy Who Invented Colored Lighting" and "The Co-Producer Who Decided Lara's Tits Needed To Be Bigger". Hurry up and wring me out, even if my legs are tangled, they can go much further than before.
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Also: "Highest Number of Unskippable Cutscenes and/or Canned Animations." Finally, an award that there won't be any debate over. Needs a snappy name, though. "You do not truly know someone until you fight them."
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The Solid Snake Award? Hurry up and wring me out, even if my legs are tangled, they can go much further than before.
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That one gets my vote. "I keep trying to read your posts, but all the letters keep morphing into "HULAHGUALGHUAALHAGH". Perhaps I can file this as a bug." --Bailey
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I think that's a porn industry award. "YES!! You see people, THAT'S why he's the Vice-President of A/V Services here at Respawn Games. Yotsuya ALWAYS unleashes the fucking fury!" - Warren Marshall
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Seems an appropriate topic to blur the lines between the two. Hurry up and wring me out, even if my legs are tangled, they can go much further than before.
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The Solid Snake Award At the second annual show they can rename it the "Raiden Award" for absolutely no discernible reason. "Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me."
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Didn't they already do these awards, or did they just announce them 6+ months ago? I seem to remember shaking my head and sighing at this already. Most Attractive Actress in a Starring Role would make more sense for an Oscar than Best Actress, at least in terms of justifying the no-talent bimbos who win it. |
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I'm not sure all those otaku girls you chat with online produce their own estrogen. I was actually speaking of people I know IRL, the only online girl I know who has expressed their amusement from playing H-games is Foodie. I know better than to go chatting around with any otaku girls online as my fiance would probably not be amused. "Because apparently, Link should be visiting strippers and getting his rocks off every time he blows the magic flute." - LPMiller
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If your fiance doesn't let you cyber some guy from Kansas pretending to be a Japanse schoolgirl, your relationship is already in trouble. |
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Dating sims and hentai games scare me. Every time I hear about them from Foody, the anime context and the general weirdness of them scare me off, even though when I see her playing and enjoying them, I'm thinking there would likely be something in there I would like given that I think Foody has very similar gameplay tastes to mine. But they just...frighten me. "I'll sell you the idea for $50,000 and you can go from game developer zero to game developer hero." - Leslie
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You can skip the cutscenes in MGS and MGS2. OTOH, what the fuck is up with Wind Waker? It uses the standard console RPG conversation system where the person gives you a little block of text, then you hit A, then you get more text. And if you read quickly or just want to skip past the text, hitting a button makes the entire block of text appear instantly. Except when the game decides the conversation is important. Then, for no discernable reason, you can't make the whole block of text appear. You have to sit there while each block s...l...o...w...l...y appears. Then you get to hit A. It's not like you could even run screaming from the room at these segments and come back when they're over. You have to baby step through the whole damn speech. There's not even a text speed option. Dood.
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#92 Caryn Dating sims and hentai games scare me. Every time I hear about them from Foody, the anime context and the general weirdness of them scare me off, even though when I see her playing and enjoying them, I'm thinking there would likely be something in there I would like given that I think Foody has very similar gameplay tastes to mine. But they just...frighten me. What's so frightening about a dialogue tree where you get asked a question and your response options are "1) Yes. 2) No. 3) I want to have sex."? "All I've ever wanted to be is a monkey of moderate intelligence that wears a suit. That's why I'm transferring to business school!"
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MattG, I think it's the part where the girl you're trying to sex up is your sister, and you used to be a girl, and at some point in the game you end up raping her till she likes it. |
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#94 Matthew Gallant What's so frightening about a dialogue tree where you get asked a question and your response options are "1) Yes. 2) No. 3) I want to have sex."? It's the anime environment, I guess. I have come to realize that I don't get anime, I don't particularly enjoy watching it, and what I do see of anime tends to confuse the hell out of me, and some of it (see Foody's Gallery of Unfortunate Subtitles) just downright creeps me out. I don't know why. So...no. "I'll sell you the idea for $50,000 and you can go from game developer zero to game developer hero." - Leslie
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Comon Caryn, eyes the size of dinner plates, neon hair -- there's nothing creepy about it!! ...like the color of a tv screen tuned to a dead channel.
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Anime has produced three works of value: Cowboy Bebop (the series and the 'movie'), Spirited Away and Voices of a Distant Star All other anime I've seen sucks. And yeah I probably saw your favorite anime* that you think doesn't suck, but I still think it does. (I have a few friends who are anime dorks and they subject me to lots of anime. I keep watching in hopes of something as good as the above mentioned works will filter in, but they almost never do!!!) But even if you don't like anime I'd suggest trying out the ones I mentioned. "Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me."
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While I'm on the subject... of the anime that dorks tend to like, Escaflowne is the fucking worst. I had to play Megaman X7 with the sound muted because one of the Megamen is voiced by the same guy who did the English dubbed voice of Dilandau. Ugh. "Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me."
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Is Railroad Tycoon 3 really coming out tomorrow? I haven't heard anything about it other than in GMR and at the EB website. |
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#98 by Your Friend Anime has produced three works of value: Cowboy Bebop (the series and the 'movie'), Spirited Away and Voices of a Distant Star If you enjoyed all those, I recommend: "Jin-Roh, the wolf brigade". Please note that the above already qualifies you as an anime-lover. "All things fall and are built again,
And those that build them again are gay." (W. B. Yeats) |
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Liking the very best out of a huge body of work hardly classifies someone as a fan. Those are the people who salivate over poorly voiced fan dubs of second rate weekly cartoons. |
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Yes, but anime is similar to the AIDS virus in that there is no cure once you like at least some of it. "All things fall and are built again,
And those that build them again are gay." (W. B. Yeats) |
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I agree with YF on anime--most of it is pretty bad. Anything by Miyazaki is worthwhile, and Jin-Roh is excellent. They're the only ones I would really recommend to anyone. "I keep trying to read your posts, but all the letters keep morphing into "HULAHGUALGHUAALHAGH". Perhaps I can file this as a bug." --Bailey
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I contend that you have not seen all of Miyazaki's work. I picked up the complete collection while I was in China, and he cranked out some shit products, I assure you. Hurry up and wring me out, even if my legs are tangled, they can go much further than before.
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#105 Bailey I contend that you have not seen all of Miyazaki's work. I picked up the complete collection while I was in China, and he cranked out some shit products, I assure you. You would be correct--I have not seen all of his work. But what I have seen has been extremely good. "I keep trying to read your posts, but all the letters keep morphing into "HULAHGUALGHUAALHAGH". Perhaps I can file this as a bug." --Bailey
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Of course. The good stuff, such as Laputa, Porco Rosso, Totoro, Spirited Away, Monoke Hime... that gets imported. The garbage where a woman going to pick flowers for a summer and marries a farmboy, or the one where a boy gets pushed around by a spoiled girl because he thinks he loves her and then REALIZES he loves her, and decides love will make her less of a bitch if he just puts up with her shit for long enough... does not. Those kind of Miyazaki films had my head flopping around with my mouth open, making choking noises all through yet another "Hrm, I love you, but our rigid retarded societal rules forbid me from saying so much as 'I like you' without exploding in a hail of blushing meaty gobbets" confessional. Hurry up and wring me out, even if my legs are tangled, they can go much further than before.
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#105 Bailey I contend that you have not seen all of Miyazaki's work. I picked up the complete collection while I was in China, and he cranked out some shit products, I assure you. At E3, both the Beyond Good and Evil and Rhyzom booths were touting "Miyazaki-style" art direction. So now when we watch Lupin III on Cartoon Network we always say "Miyazaki-style!" whenever there's a particularly corny sequence or overemphasized sex humor. Which is quite often. But Lupin III is funny that way. "All I've ever wanted to be is a monkey of moderate intelligence that wears a suit. That's why I'm transferring to business school!"
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Did you just share a "You Had to Be There" moment? Hurry up and wring me out, even if my legs are tangled, they can go much further than before.
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#109 Bailey Did you just share a "You Had to Be There" moment? No. "All I've ever wanted to be is a monkey of moderate intelligence that wears a suit. That's why I'm transferring to business school!"
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Denial is the first step towards enlightenment. I believe I can fly......urk.
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Didn't they already do these awards, or did they just announce them 6+ months ago? I seem to remember shaking my head and sighing at this already. You're probably thinking of G-Phoria. It was a spectacular cornucopia of stupid and horrible. Charles Barkley eats a hamburger, says “I hope those PETA people are outside by my car . . . I will run over them like dogs.”
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#81 Shadarr How about "Most difficult to get into" and "Least rewarding ending"? Also "Most unpredictable crashes." Morrowind, I assume Morrowind (never got that far), and Morrowind Replace Morrowind for Gothic as needed JUSTIN BAILEY
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HIJACK Not sure how long that deal is good for, so act fast! Passwird, you are god. JUSTIN BAILEY
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fucking stupid cunts, wont ship to Canuckistan. JUSTIN BAILEY
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In other 'So lonely!' news... Wir flashen jedes Weekend, und alles just for you
We do this cause we love it, come here und hör uns zu |
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Passwird is a cool guy, so post his referral link, you puss! I believe I can fly......urk.
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Wait a minute LP. shouldn't you hate his guts? The story is much more interesting if gotapex and paswird have been in some years-long turf war that can only end in rape and bloodshed. |
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Hopefully, that'd just be the beginning. "You do not truly know someone until you fight them."
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Gunpoint Lonelier, Lonelier than thou! As for the now-defunct topic, I still don't know if romance is a good thing for games, but it does seem like of all the many forms human-human interaction available, we stick to mimicking violence for the most part. The practicalities are a problem right enough, for single player we're probably stuck with good ol' conversation trees, multiplayer I suppose you could add dinner and dancing options to your mmorpg, followed by a couple's night out of killing spiders. dROU Frank Exchange Of Views (Psychopath Class)
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Wait a minute LP. shouldn't you hate his guts? The story is much more interesting if gotapex and paswird have been in some years-long turf war that can only end in rape and bloodshed. Sorry. He is one of oldest forum members, still quite active, and just too dorky to hate. We love him. Plus, he's not the first person from our forums to go off and start their own deal site. Considering how many are out there now, compared to when we started, it just goes to show you it's one of those ways the internet works for staying in business. I believe I can fly......urk.
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#118 jjohnsen Wait a minute LP. shouldn't you hate his guts? The story is much more interesting if gotapex and paswird have been in some years-long turf war that can only end in rape and bloodshed. heh. JUSTIN BAILEY
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ho ho "..and Trolly McTroll is the best name EVER. I laugh every time I see it." - ZEP
" If i ever have a daughter, I'm going to name her Trolly. - The_Joker "Great, we are being trolled by Paul Schaffer. - LPMiller |
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Hardly. I always shoot events with 3 cameras so I have many angles to work with. Bitch. Fuck you. |
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Cheesy. Now-NOW! Chill with the F-bomb. You need to have your fucking mouth washed out with soup. "..and Trolly McTroll is the best name EVER. I laugh every time I see it." - ZEP
" If i ever have a daughter, I'm going to name her Trolly. - The_Joker "Great, we are being trolled by Paul Schaffer. - LPMiller "heh." - Squeaky |
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Cheesy- Ah, the typical warm NJ welcome. Seriously, what you propose might be interesting as a part of a game. "YES!! You see people, THAT'S why he's the Vice-President of A/V Services here at Respawn Games. Yotsuya ALWAYS unleashes the fucking fury!" - Warren Marshall
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Ah, the typical warm NJ welcome. Well, I was trying to be serious. I don't know where the "bitch" remark came from, unless I misinterpreted it. Seriously, what you propose might be interesting as a part of a game. Back in 94 or so I went to the sony experience in NYC and that had a cool kiosk where you could do something similar with scenes from star wars. It wasn't exactly the same, but fun. |
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Cheesy- You misinterprited it. Your sark meter must be low on batteries. "YES!! You see people, THAT'S why he's the Vice-President of A/V Services here at Respawn Games. Yotsuya ALWAYS unleashes the fucking fury!" - Warren Marshall
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