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F69: QuickSex
October 22nd 2003, 10:44 CEST by Dumdeedum Us humans are a simple lot, after a hard day of killing things we like to come home, eat something, shag something and then sleep. As such our entertainment reflects these core values, perhaps not so much the less exciting eating and sleeping, but sex and violence are, and always have been, the stuff of legend, tale and epic. Now bonking in games isn't totally unheard of, I first came across it in the rather excellent Dreamweb where your character walks in on (and then executes) a rock star during coitus. From there it's mostly downhill; strip poker games that aren't much more than low quality porn slideshows, hentai games that mine all the gameplay of violent, underage rape, and a thousand inverted-L shaped heroines with low-cut, cleavage-revealing textures. Okay so it doesn't actually have to be actual kasbah-rockage, there's the much broader categories of Romance and Relationships which are also largely ignored. Being male I don't know whether I'd play it, but the game equivalent of the chick-flick might be interesting, and would presumably ensnare that much talked about "female demographic". I know the only reason I finished Neverwinter Nights was because I wanted to see if you could cop off with the bard (you couldn't, the frigid bitch), so there's something to it, although I shudder to think how it might apply to MMORPGs. So what do you and your libido say? Does the world of games and the fair art of rogering sound like a match made in heaven? Is it doomed to be just another ploy to pump us of our liquid assets? Or indeed, will it remain at the current schoolboy-tittering level it is now? |
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Topic: F69: QuickSex
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How about a half-naked man, and the part that isn't naked is covered up by a shawl which he is in the middle of knitting? "All I've ever wanted to be is a monkey of moderate intelligence that wears a suit. That's why I'm transferring to business school!"
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[caryn]I'd like to see more relationships in games. Not necessarily "man saves woman, man sleeps with woman". There is an enormous range there that game creators aren't exploring that might make for interesting gameplay. You're right. I want to see more "man saves woman, woman gives hummer, then allows some backdoor action, then calls her sister into the room, then some two on one action, then the mailman (who happens to be hung like a hampster) shows up with "the mail" and we get some hot hampster humpin action the likes of which Joker has never whacked it to before" Now that's a game, as long as it doesn't have all the "cool" sex toys stashed away awaiting the player to unlock them. "..and Trolly McTroll is the best name EVER. I laugh every time I see it." - ZEP
" If i ever have a daughter, I'm going to name her Trolly. - The_Joker "Great, we are being trolled by Paul Schaffer. - LPMiller |
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#57 Matthew Gallant How about a half-naked man, and the part that isn't naked is covered up by a shawl which he is in the middle of knitting? Knitting would never, ever be fun in a game. I love knitting, but I know my limits, half-naked men or no. "I'll sell you the idea for $50,000 and you can go from game developer zero to game developer hero." - Leslie
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#59 Caryn #57 Matthew Gallant How about a half-naked man, and the part that isn't naked is covered up by a shawl which he is in the middle of knitting? Knitting would never, ever be fun in a game. I love knitting, but I know my limits, half-naked men or no. Ahh, but what if the half naked man was being played by Hugh Jackman? Respawn Games
Open your mind, let the beatings begin. |
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The only way "The Movies" would be fun is if it was a Movie Tycoon type game, where the majority of your time is spent screwing over your rivals and underlings and lying to young actresses to get them to sleep with you. Actually making movies would be work, and the movies you make would suck. Even the porn ones. |
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#61 Exactly. "All things fall and are built again,
And those that build them again are gay." (W. B. Yeats) |
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#60 Warren Marshall Ahh, but what if the half naked man was being played by Hugh Jackman? Damn you, Warren, for changing the parameters! As long as he doesn't have his sissy long hair that makes him look like Barry Gibb; that changes everything. "I'll sell you the idea for $50,000 and you can go from game developer zero to game developer hero." - Leslie
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To a certain extent, The Sims is a relationship simulator, but it's also a peeing/showering simulator. I think that human relationships can be explored in games, but there has to be more to flesh things out. One must keep in mind that gaming generally consists of a certain element of fantasy. Putting out a game that just simulates a natural relationship would be akin to releasing a game about going to grade school or working in a supermarket as a sacker. If you want a GOOD game, you gotta be a bartender...god I love Tapper. PANZERFAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUST
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Further proof that God hates us, especially you! "..and Trolly McTroll is the best name EVER. I laugh every time I see it." - ZEP
" If i ever have a daughter, I'm going to name her Trolly. - The_Joker "Great, we are being trolled by Paul Schaffer. - LPMiller |
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Fallout 2 had the best sex of any game. There were NPC's you could sleep with, but doing so had consequences like the shotgun wedding or having to sneak out of Mrs. Bishop's room. It was a well-integrated plot option, rather than a sophomoric addition made by 30 year old geeks who's testicals still haven't dropped. |
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There was one special feature on the extended edition of FotR where they showed the 12 different shots that went into this one scene and how the editor brought it together to make the scene. That's what I want The Movies to be. You're given a bunch of video and you have to make the best movie (scene). The problem is that it would be impossible for the computer to decide what is a good scene. Of course you could have someone arbitrarily decide what the "correct" one is, but that's wrong. You would need to be able to upload your cuts/edits to a website and have the community at large grade them. Maybe this idea is less of a game and more of a toy. |
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I think the game you're looking for is called Final Cut Pro. |
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Oh the irony. Weren't you the one clamoring for less sark a couple thread ago? |
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I get paid good money to play that game, Cheesy. "YES!! You see people, THAT'S why he's the Vice-President of A/V Services here at Respawn Games. Yotsuya ALWAYS unleashes the fucking fury!" - Warren Marshall
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Actually, I think you're looking for this... http://shop.lego.com/product.asp?p=1349&t=3&d=7 PANZERFAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUST
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A fatal sniping spree by two teen-age Tennessee boys who said they were mimicking the video game "Grand Theft Auto III" has triggered a $246 million damage suit against the game's creator and others. G o crazy alcoholic mom!, win big. No whammies, NO WHAMMIES!!! "..and Trolly McTroll is the best name EVER. I laugh every time I see it." - ZEP
" If i ever have a daughter, I'm going to name her Trolly. - The_Joker "Great, we are being trolled by Paul Schaffer. - LPMiller |
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Weren't you the one clamoring for less sark a couple thread ago? Err... I told Warren to admit he was wrong without the sarcasm, but that's hardly the same thing. Is that what you're remembering? Or do you have me mixed up with G-Man? If the latter, fuck you. |
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I get paid good money to play that game, Cheesy. I don't think it's the same thing, really. AFAIK you're the only person shooting at these functions so you're taking the best parts of what you shoot and making it pretty (I'm not trying to downplay the effort involved). In my game/toy you're provided with several shots of the same scene from different angles and it's up to you to put the together in a cohesive manner. Err... I told Warren to admit he was wrong without the sarcasm, but that's hardly the same thing. Is that what you're remembering? Or do you have me mixed up with G-Man? If the latter, fuck you. Yes, the warren thing. |
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That's a relief. |
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Cheesy- Hardly. I always shoot events with 3 cameras so I have many angles to work with. Bitch. "YES!! You see people, THAT'S why he's the Vice-President of A/V Services here at Respawn Games. Yotsuya ALWAYS unleashes the fucking fury!" - Warren Marshall
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Trunks I've found that there's a surprisingly large female fanbase for H-games/dating sims...at least the "plain" ones and not the ones with demons and tentacles and rapeage and whatnot. I'm sure a niche market based almost entirely on media traded on P2P services seems a real hot ticket to publishers. Particularly since most women want to be seen doing little else other than buying cartoon fuck-sims in public. Or... I'm not sure all those otaku girls you chat with online produce their own estrogen. B-D From the article... The Awards Show itself will air sometime towards the end the end of the year and will feature a variety of awards including: Hottest Hero and Heroine, Most Addictive, Coolest Villain, Best All-Around Badass, Most Difficult to Master, Best Free For All Carnage, Best Soundtrack, Hottest Graphics, Best Kick Ass Weapon Dear Video Game Awards, FUCK OFF FOREVER. Sincerely, Anyone With Fully Functioning Frontal Lobes XOXO Hurry up and wring me out, even if my legs are tangled, they can go much further than before.
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Oh, C'mon Bailey- these guys need something else to put on their boxes besides "Game of the Year". It's like every damn game has a GOTY edition. The titles are stupid, though: Hottest Graphics? Best Kick Ass Weapon? Lame. "YES!! You see people, THAT'S why he's the Vice-President of A/V Services here at Respawn Games. Yotsuya ALWAYS unleashes the fucking fury!" - Warren Marshall
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Most Difficult to Master They're giving out an award for making the game too hard? |
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That's what I though? Well, it has difficult to master this game, but that's because it formatted my HD. It must be a winner! "YES!! You see people, THAT'S why he's the Vice-President of A/V Services here at Respawn Games. Yotsuya ALWAYS unleashes the fucking fury!" - Warren Marshall
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How about "Most difficult to get into" and "Least rewarding ending"? Also "Most unpredictable crashes." |
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That's my point. When does this industry outgrow the social stigma of being comprised entirely of ADD-riddled cokefiend 14-yr olds? If I worked on some game for three years, and some guy hands me a psuedo-gold plastic Pac-Man statue for "Best Kick Ass Weapon", I'd force-feed it to the fucker right there on stage. Live broadcast? Even better. I'd take the recognition of the fans over some marketing schlub's brilliant idea to "legitimize gaming as an artistic entertainment medium", thanks. Even alongside such hallowed figures of the industry such as "The Guy Who Invented Colored Lighting" and "The Co-Producer Who Decided Lara's Tits Needed To Be Bigger". Hurry up and wring me out, even if my legs are tangled, they can go much further than before.
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Also: "Highest Number of Unskippable Cutscenes and/or Canned Animations." Finally, an award that there won't be any debate over. Needs a snappy name, though. "You do not truly know someone until you fight them."
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The Solid Snake Award? Hurry up and wring me out, even if my legs are tangled, they can go much further than before.
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That one gets my vote. "I keep trying to read your posts, but all the letters keep morphing into "HULAHGUALGHUAALHAGH". Perhaps I can file this as a bug." --Bailey
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I think that's a porn industry award. "YES!! You see people, THAT'S why he's the Vice-President of A/V Services here at Respawn Games. Yotsuya ALWAYS unleashes the fucking fury!" - Warren Marshall
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Seems an appropriate topic to blur the lines between the two. Hurry up and wring me out, even if my legs are tangled, they can go much further than before.
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The Solid Snake Award At the second annual show they can rename it the "Raiden Award" for absolutely no discernible reason. "Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me."
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Didn't they already do these awards, or did they just announce them 6+ months ago? I seem to remember shaking my head and sighing at this already. Most Attractive Actress in a Starring Role would make more sense for an Oscar than Best Actress, at least in terms of justifying the no-talent bimbos who win it. |
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I'm not sure all those otaku girls you chat with online produce their own estrogen. I was actually speaking of people I know IRL, the only online girl I know who has expressed their amusement from playing H-games is Foodie. I know better than to go chatting around with any otaku girls online as my fiance would probably not be amused. "Because apparently, Link should be visiting strippers and getting his rocks off every time he blows the magic flute." - LPMiller
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If your fiance doesn't let you cyber some guy from Kansas pretending to be a Japanse schoolgirl, your relationship is already in trouble. |
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Dating sims and hentai games scare me. Every time I hear about them from Foody, the anime context and the general weirdness of them scare me off, even though when I see her playing and enjoying them, I'm thinking there would likely be something in there I would like given that I think Foody has very similar gameplay tastes to mine. But they just...frighten me. "I'll sell you the idea for $50,000 and you can go from game developer zero to game developer hero." - Leslie
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You can skip the cutscenes in MGS and MGS2. OTOH, what the fuck is up with Wind Waker? It uses the standard console RPG conversation system where the person gives you a little block of text, then you hit A, then you get more text. And if you read quickly or just want to skip past the text, hitting a button makes the entire block of text appear instantly. Except when the game decides the conversation is important. Then, for no discernable reason, you can't make the whole block of text appear. You have to sit there while each block s...l...o...w...l...y appears. Then you get to hit A. It's not like you could even run screaming from the room at these segments and come back when they're over. You have to baby step through the whole damn speech. There's not even a text speed option. Dood.
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#92 Caryn Dating sims and hentai games scare me. Every time I hear about them from Foody, the anime context and the general weirdness of them scare me off, even though when I see her playing and enjoying them, I'm thinking there would likely be something in there I would like given that I think Foody has very similar gameplay tastes to mine. But they just...frighten me. What's so frightening about a dialogue tree where you get asked a question and your response options are "1) Yes. 2) No. 3) I want to have sex."? "All I've ever wanted to be is a monkey of moderate intelligence that wears a suit. That's why I'm transferring to business school!"
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MattG, I think it's the part where the girl you're trying to sex up is your sister, and you used to be a girl, and at some point in the game you end up raping her till she likes it. |
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#94 Matthew Gallant What's so frightening about a dialogue tree where you get asked a question and your response options are "1) Yes. 2) No. 3) I want to have sex."? It's the anime environment, I guess. I have come to realize that I don't get anime, I don't particularly enjoy watching it, and what I do see of anime tends to confuse the hell out of me, and some of it (see Foody's Gallery of Unfortunate Subtitles) just downright creeps me out. I don't know why. So...no. "I'll sell you the idea for $50,000 and you can go from game developer zero to game developer hero." - Leslie
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Comon Caryn, eyes the size of dinner plates, neon hair -- there's nothing creepy about it!! ...like the color of a tv screen tuned to a dead channel.
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Anime has produced three works of value: Cowboy Bebop (the series and the 'movie'), Spirited Away and Voices of a Distant Star All other anime I've seen sucks. And yeah I probably saw your favorite anime* that you think doesn't suck, but I still think it does. (I have a few friends who are anime dorks and they subject me to lots of anime. I keep watching in hopes of something as good as the above mentioned works will filter in, but they almost never do!!!) But even if you don't like anime I'd suggest trying out the ones I mentioned. "Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me."
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While I'm on the subject... of the anime that dorks tend to like, Escaflowne is the fucking worst. I had to play Megaman X7 with the sound muted because one of the Megamen is voiced by the same guy who did the English dubbed voice of Dilandau. Ugh. "Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me."
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Is Railroad Tycoon 3 really coming out tomorrow? I haven't heard anything about it other than in GMR and at the EB website. |
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#98 by Your Friend Anime has produced three works of value: Cowboy Bebop (the series and the 'movie'), Spirited Away and Voices of a Distant Star If you enjoyed all those, I recommend: "Jin-Roh, the wolf brigade". Please note that the above already qualifies you as an anime-lover. "All things fall and are built again,
And those that build them again are gay." (W. B. Yeats) |
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Liking the very best out of a huge body of work hardly classifies someone as a fan. Those are the people who salivate over poorly voiced fan dubs of second rate weekly cartoons. |
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Yes, but anime is similar to the AIDS virus in that there is no cure once you like at least some of it. "All things fall and are built again,
And those that build them again are gay." (W. B. Yeats) |
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I agree with YF on anime--most of it is pretty bad. Anything by Miyazaki is worthwhile, and Jin-Roh is excellent. They're the only ones I would really recommend to anyone. "I keep trying to read your posts, but all the letters keep morphing into "HULAHGUALGHUAALHAGH". Perhaps I can file this as a bug." --Bailey
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I contend that you have not seen all of Miyazaki's work. I picked up the complete collection while I was in China, and he cranked out some shit products, I assure you. Hurry up and wring me out, even if my legs are tangled, they can go much further than before.
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#105 Bailey I contend that you have not seen all of Miyazaki's work. I picked up the complete collection while I was in China, and he cranked out some shit products, I assure you. You would be correct--I have not seen all of his work. But what I have seen has been extremely good. "I keep trying to read your posts, but all the letters keep morphing into "HULAHGUALGHUAALHAGH". Perhaps I can file this as a bug." --Bailey
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