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F69: QuickSex
October 22nd 2003, 10:44 CEST by Dumdeedum Us humans are a simple lot, after a hard day of killing things we like to come home, eat something, shag something and then sleep. As such our entertainment reflects these core values, perhaps not so much the less exciting eating and sleeping, but sex and violence are, and always have been, the stuff of legend, tale and epic. Now bonking in games isn't totally unheard of, I first came across it in the rather excellent Dreamweb where your character walks in on (and then executes) a rock star during coitus. From there it's mostly downhill; strip poker games that aren't much more than low quality porn slideshows, hentai games that mine all the gameplay of violent, underage rape, and a thousand inverted-L shaped heroines with low-cut, cleavage-revealing textures. Okay so it doesn't actually have to be actual kasbah-rockage, there's the much broader categories of Romance and Relationships which are also largely ignored. Being male I don't know whether I'd play it, but the game equivalent of the chick-flick might be interesting, and would presumably ensnare that much talked about "female demographic". I know the only reason I finished Neverwinter Nights was because I wanted to see if you could cop off with the bard (you couldn't, the frigid bitch), so there's something to it, although I shudder to think how it might apply to MMORPGs. So what do you and your libido say? Does the world of games and the fair art of rogering sound like a match made in heaven? Is it doomed to be just another ploy to pump us of our liquid assets? Or indeed, will it remain at the current schoolboy-tittering level it is now? |
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Topic: F69: QuickSex
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#29 Hugin Last of the Mohicans. Stay alive! No matter the cost. You're out of continues. "All I've ever wanted to be is a monkey of moderate intelligence that wears a suit. That's why I'm transferring to business school!"
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I've found that there's a surprisingly large female fanbase for H-games/dating sims...at least the "plain" ones and not the ones with demons and tentacles and rapeage and whatnot. "Because apparently, Link should be visiting strippers and getting his rocks off every time he blows the magic flute." - LPMiller
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I wouldn't expect too much in the way of "adult games" in the near future. That shit won't be carried by Walmart, you know. Standard American Conservative views will prevail for now -- violence is ok as long as there are no satanic overtones, but sex? Forget about it. "Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me."
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For a movie in the vein I'm thinking of, maybe Last of the Mohicans. Although, I also don't mean "Games where the manly hero rescues the helpless lady over and over and over." "Sorry, Hawkeye, but the Colonel's Daughter is in another fort !!!" "Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me."
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I more mean, the lady can save the guy. Or they can save each other. Or the guy can save another guy. Or it could be family oriented, siblings, parent's and children. I'm just saying broaden up the range of human motivations to action a little bit beyond greed, anger, or an abstract heroic duty to save the world. |
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If you don't perform your abstract heroic duty to save the world, the terrorists have already won. PANZERFAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUST
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I more mean, the lady can save the guy. I'd really like to see something like a Zelda game where the Princess is actually the main character for once and requires none of the typical rescuing stuff. "Because apparently, Link should be visiting strippers and getting his rocks off every time he blows the magic flute." - LPMiller
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Finally! A cat burgler who get's it! "..and Trolly McTroll is the best name EVER. I laugh every time I see it." - ZEP
" If i ever have a daughter, I'm going to name her Trolly. - The_Joker "Great, we are being trolled by Paul Schaffer. - LPMiller |
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I liked how they dealt with sex in the Fallout games. |
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In Jagged Alliance 2, there was a whorehouse where its services could be tried out (although the Gold version got rid of it), although it's nothing compared to Fallout 2 where you can pimp your spouse and take part in a porn movie. |
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You could also be a fluffer, but it wasn't nearly as glamorous. Respawn Games
Open your mind, let the beatings begin. |
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I can't wait for "The Movies" to come out so I can make my virtual porn film (and no, G-Man, you can't be my virtual lawyer) "YES!! You see people, THAT'S why he's the Vice-President of A/V Services here at Respawn Games. Yotsuya ALWAYS unleashes the fucking fury!" - Warren Marshall
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Course theres always the `game` 'Hail to the Beef`..... Do not go gently into that good night.
Old age should burn and rage at the close of day. Rage, rage against the dying of the light. |
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#45 by yotsuya I can't wait for "The Movies" to come out so I can make my virtual porn film (and no, G-Man, you can't be my virtual lawyer) That there is a game which everything thus far indicates will suck, so better do a real one. "All things fall and are built again,
And those that build them again are gay." (W. B. Yeats) |
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Zimbardo- If you weren't so ugly, I'd ask you to star in it. "YES!! You see people, THAT'S why he's the Vice-President of A/V Services here at Respawn Games. Yotsuya ALWAYS unleashes the fucking fury!" - Warren Marshall
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That there is a game which everything thus far indicates will suck, so better do a real one. The Movies looks pretty cool if you ask me. I mean, yeah, Black & White sucked but that isn't the only game Molyneux has ever produced, and everyone is allowed to make mistakes from time to time. Syndicate alone is reason enough for me to assume the best when he's involved. Of course, if The Movies turns out as bad as Black & White, I'm going to start needing to play demos before I buy... but for now he still gets the benefit of the doubt. "Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me."
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Nutty- Agreed. I can't wait to make movies I'm not going to go see. "YES!! You see people, THAT'S why he's the Vice-President of A/V Services here at Respawn Games. Yotsuya ALWAYS unleashes the fucking fury!" - Warren Marshall
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YF, I remember when Molyneux was talking about the amazing AI that would be in Dungeon Keeper, and how you would be able to play multi with one player sending waves of heros into the other player's dungeon. And I remember all the features that were going to make Black and White the greatest game ever. So you'll forgive me if I don't bother listening to any of the shit that comes out of Moly's mouth prior to release, and wait to hear whether the game actually sucks or not. |
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BTW, my first movie in "The Movies" will be an film staring The Joker. "YES!! You see people, THAT'S why he's the Vice-President of A/V Services here at Respawn Games. Yotsuya ALWAYS unleashes the fucking fury!" - Warren Marshall
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It's not because Molyneux (arguably) fucked up B&W... I just don't see how a game with gameplay such as I understand The Movies will have can be fun for more than an hour. Any game with such a concept will get the "demo+feature inspection" treatment before purchase. "All things fall and are built again,
And those that build them again are gay." (W. B. Yeats) |
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The second coming... B-D Jibs, Jives and Jokes...
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I don't see how it could not be fun. Dood.
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#24 Jibble I think we need a female perspective on this. Do women think half-naked men playing volleyball in video games are sexy? I can't say that I do. Like Hugin, I'd like to see more relationships in games. Not necessarily "man saves woman, man sleeps with woman". There is an enormous range there that game creators aren't exploring that might make for interesting gameplay. But to be honest, if I were asked how I'd make a game that involved a stronger basis in human relationships, I would have no idea how to make it. "I'll sell you the idea for $50,000 and you can go from game developer zero to game developer hero." - Leslie
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How about a half-naked man, and the part that isn't naked is covered up by a shawl which he is in the middle of knitting? "All I've ever wanted to be is a monkey of moderate intelligence that wears a suit. That's why I'm transferring to business school!"
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[caryn]I'd like to see more relationships in games. Not necessarily "man saves woman, man sleeps with woman". There is an enormous range there that game creators aren't exploring that might make for interesting gameplay. You're right. I want to see more "man saves woman, woman gives hummer, then allows some backdoor action, then calls her sister into the room, then some two on one action, then the mailman (who happens to be hung like a hampster) shows up with "the mail" and we get some hot hampster humpin action the likes of which Joker has never whacked it to before" Now that's a game, as long as it doesn't have all the "cool" sex toys stashed away awaiting the player to unlock them. "..and Trolly McTroll is the best name EVER. I laugh every time I see it." - ZEP
" If i ever have a daughter, I'm going to name her Trolly. - The_Joker "Great, we are being trolled by Paul Schaffer. - LPMiller |
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#57 Matthew Gallant How about a half-naked man, and the part that isn't naked is covered up by a shawl which he is in the middle of knitting? Knitting would never, ever be fun in a game. I love knitting, but I know my limits, half-naked men or no. "I'll sell you the idea for $50,000 and you can go from game developer zero to game developer hero." - Leslie
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#59 Caryn #57 Matthew Gallant How about a half-naked man, and the part that isn't naked is covered up by a shawl which he is in the middle of knitting? Knitting would never, ever be fun in a game. I love knitting, but I know my limits, half-naked men or no. Ahh, but what if the half naked man was being played by Hugh Jackman? Respawn Games
Open your mind, let the beatings begin. |
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The only way "The Movies" would be fun is if it was a Movie Tycoon type game, where the majority of your time is spent screwing over your rivals and underlings and lying to young actresses to get them to sleep with you. Actually making movies would be work, and the movies you make would suck. Even the porn ones. |
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#61 Exactly. "All things fall and are built again,
And those that build them again are gay." (W. B. Yeats) |
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#60 Warren Marshall Ahh, but what if the half naked man was being played by Hugh Jackman? Damn you, Warren, for changing the parameters! As long as he doesn't have his sissy long hair that makes him look like Barry Gibb; that changes everything. "I'll sell you the idea for $50,000 and you can go from game developer zero to game developer hero." - Leslie
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To a certain extent, The Sims is a relationship simulator, but it's also a peeing/showering simulator. I think that human relationships can be explored in games, but there has to be more to flesh things out. One must keep in mind that gaming generally consists of a certain element of fantasy. Putting out a game that just simulates a natural relationship would be akin to releasing a game about going to grade school or working in a supermarket as a sacker. If you want a GOOD game, you gotta be a bartender...god I love Tapper. PANZERFAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUST
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Further proof that God hates us, especially you! "..and Trolly McTroll is the best name EVER. I laugh every time I see it." - ZEP
" If i ever have a daughter, I'm going to name her Trolly. - The_Joker "Great, we are being trolled by Paul Schaffer. - LPMiller |
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Fallout 2 had the best sex of any game. There were NPC's you could sleep with, but doing so had consequences like the shotgun wedding or having to sneak out of Mrs. Bishop's room. It was a well-integrated plot option, rather than a sophomoric addition made by 30 year old geeks who's testicals still haven't dropped. |
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There was one special feature on the extended edition of FotR where they showed the 12 different shots that went into this one scene and how the editor brought it together to make the scene. That's what I want The Movies to be. You're given a bunch of video and you have to make the best movie (scene). The problem is that it would be impossible for the computer to decide what is a good scene. Of course you could have someone arbitrarily decide what the "correct" one is, but that's wrong. You would need to be able to upload your cuts/edits to a website and have the community at large grade them. Maybe this idea is less of a game and more of a toy. |
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I think the game you're looking for is called Final Cut Pro. |
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Oh the irony. Weren't you the one clamoring for less sark a couple thread ago? |
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I get paid good money to play that game, Cheesy. "YES!! You see people, THAT'S why he's the Vice-President of A/V Services here at Respawn Games. Yotsuya ALWAYS unleashes the fucking fury!" - Warren Marshall
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Actually, I think you're looking for this... http://shop.lego.com/product.asp?p=1349&t=3&d=7 PANZERFAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUST
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A fatal sniping spree by two teen-age Tennessee boys who said they were mimicking the video game "Grand Theft Auto III" has triggered a $246 million damage suit against the game's creator and others. G o crazy alcoholic mom!, win big. No whammies, NO WHAMMIES!!! "..and Trolly McTroll is the best name EVER. I laugh every time I see it." - ZEP
" If i ever have a daughter, I'm going to name her Trolly. - The_Joker "Great, we are being trolled by Paul Schaffer. - LPMiller |
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Weren't you the one clamoring for less sark a couple thread ago? Err... I told Warren to admit he was wrong without the sarcasm, but that's hardly the same thing. Is that what you're remembering? Or do you have me mixed up with G-Man? If the latter, fuck you. |
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I get paid good money to play that game, Cheesy. I don't think it's the same thing, really. AFAIK you're the only person shooting at these functions so you're taking the best parts of what you shoot and making it pretty (I'm not trying to downplay the effort involved). In my game/toy you're provided with several shots of the same scene from different angles and it's up to you to put the together in a cohesive manner. Err... I told Warren to admit he was wrong without the sarcasm, but that's hardly the same thing. Is that what you're remembering? Or do you have me mixed up with G-Man? If the latter, fuck you. Yes, the warren thing. |
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That's a relief. |
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Cheesy- Hardly. I always shoot events with 3 cameras so I have many angles to work with. Bitch. "YES!! You see people, THAT'S why he's the Vice-President of A/V Services here at Respawn Games. Yotsuya ALWAYS unleashes the fucking fury!" - Warren Marshall
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Trunks I've found that there's a surprisingly large female fanbase for H-games/dating sims...at least the "plain" ones and not the ones with demons and tentacles and rapeage and whatnot. I'm sure a niche market based almost entirely on media traded on P2P services seems a real hot ticket to publishers. Particularly since most women want to be seen doing little else other than buying cartoon fuck-sims in public. Or... I'm not sure all those otaku girls you chat with online produce their own estrogen. B-D From the article... The Awards Show itself will air sometime towards the end the end of the year and will feature a variety of awards including: Hottest Hero and Heroine, Most Addictive, Coolest Villain, Best All-Around Badass, Most Difficult to Master, Best Free For All Carnage, Best Soundtrack, Hottest Graphics, Best Kick Ass Weapon Dear Video Game Awards, FUCK OFF FOREVER. Sincerely, Anyone With Fully Functioning Frontal Lobes XOXO Hurry up and wring me out, even if my legs are tangled, they can go much further than before.
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Oh, C'mon Bailey- these guys need something else to put on their boxes besides "Game of the Year". It's like every damn game has a GOTY edition. The titles are stupid, though: Hottest Graphics? Best Kick Ass Weapon? Lame. "YES!! You see people, THAT'S why he's the Vice-President of A/V Services here at Respawn Games. Yotsuya ALWAYS unleashes the fucking fury!" - Warren Marshall
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Most Difficult to Master They're giving out an award for making the game too hard? |
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That's what I though? Well, it has difficult to master this game, but that's because it formatted my HD. It must be a winner! "YES!! You see people, THAT'S why he's the Vice-President of A/V Services here at Respawn Games. Yotsuya ALWAYS unleashes the fucking fury!" - Warren Marshall
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How about "Most difficult to get into" and "Least rewarding ending"? Also "Most unpredictable crashes." |
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That's my point. When does this industry outgrow the social stigma of being comprised entirely of ADD-riddled cokefiend 14-yr olds? If I worked on some game for three years, and some guy hands me a psuedo-gold plastic Pac-Man statue for "Best Kick Ass Weapon", I'd force-feed it to the fucker right there on stage. Live broadcast? Even better. I'd take the recognition of the fans over some marketing schlub's brilliant idea to "legitimize gaming as an artistic entertainment medium", thanks. Even alongside such hallowed figures of the industry such as "The Guy Who Invented Colored Lighting" and "The Co-Producer Who Decided Lara's Tits Needed To Be Bigger". Hurry up and wring me out, even if my legs are tangled, they can go much further than before.
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Also: "Highest Number of Unskippable Cutscenes and/or Canned Animations." Finally, an award that there won't be any debate over. Needs a snappy name, though. "You do not truly know someone until you fight them."
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